Update: I found myself in quite the shituation

Evin here, I am just going to jump right into it (as I do). This may not be the update everyone wants, but it is the update everyone gets.

I haven't pooped in three days, since 8pm Halloween night to be exact. Anyone who knows me knows that is highly concerning. One day here and there without movement is acceptable, and by here and there I mean a once a year. So there I was, day two of no movement, my slight concern turned into panic. Again I decided to drink my weight in coffee to give the three pound burrito the little kick that it needed to devise an exit plan. Nothing. I tried to keep positive, surely I would wake up on day three with an urgency to run, (but not too fast or we all know what happens) from the Trailer into the house and finally be relieved. But it's the morning of day three and guess who was not waken up with a shaking fear that I may have to change my pants? That is correct, me. It's not everyday that you actually want to wake up like that. So I did what any sane person would do. I aggressively shoved fists of spinach into my mouth, drank an obscene amount of coffee, probably 5 times the recommended amount,  squatted in the kitchen like my life depended on it and stood on my head in hopes that the powers of gravity would bless me.

Despite my best efforts, no movement. I have almost accepted defeat. I gave myself a deadline of one more day, if I go one more day shitless then I am taking extreme measures. I am talking coffee with psyllium husk powder (a root when ground up and ingested is sure to make anyone slightly scared for their bowels) mixed in with a nice side dish of kale and spinach, and for dessert more spinach. Day 4 I am preparing myself for my fibrous day. I think of where to buy the husk powder as I sip my coffee by the pool, when suddenly I feel something, what could it be? A fart, the sweet sweet blessing of a fart. Not just one of those farts with an empty promise, but one with the promise of the coming event. Pooping. At last I have made some progress, the day is not over and neither is the battle with my bowels. I will accept nothing less than two more today.

Just for fun I have put together a list of all that caught illegal refuge in my body for the past three days:

• 3lb (at least) super burrito that took almost an entire day to eat
• Homemade cheese pizza with leftover pasta sauce 
• 2 pieces of avocado toast
• 2 Shrimp tacos with yum yum taco sauce 
• Mu Shu vegetable and 2 spring rolls
• Fig pastry
• Fuck ton of spinach
• Fish and chips 
• Fig pastry
• Questionable oysters
• Salad, grilled veggies and mac n cheese

Oh, this is why I haven't shit. I thought surely it was my body adjusting to a new space, or eating more meat than I have had in the past year or the separation from Monica. Most likely being the last reason. Upon making the list my unfortunate situation does indeed check out. So...this is how I am doing.